THE SWAMP

________________________________________ FEAR_________________________________________________

X Disappointment X X Betrayal

XXX

X X X X . Depression, Anxiety

Lack of control Regret

XXXX Deslolation Denial

__________________________________________________________________________________

I’ve met some people, but not many, who willingly live their lives in an environment of depression anger, anxiety, and fear. At the same time I’ve met and worked with many who are living in the swamp while wishing they could be happier, in a better relationship, free of addictive and self harming behaviors. Free of internal voices that told us over and over that we weren’t good enough; that we didn’t deserve to be happy or adored, fabulous or living our lives LARGE. Why? We are so engrained to not fail that we are afraid to take risks. Many reasons, explanations and excuses for not living a life that gives us more. A native friend once told me, “If you want to hunt buffalo you have to get out of your teepee.” How do we get out of where we are. Problem solving 101. 1) Recognize that there is a problem, 2) Accept that it is my problem, 3) Make a decision to change (the opportunity to do something differently) 4) Gather resources 5) Agree and commit to a plan. You wouldn’t go on a trip without preparing, checking the details to some extent, making a plan. Checking a map, the weather, your tires and gas. Life change is really no different.

How do we cross the Fear Line?

First of all, there is really no such thing as failure. We can try things that don’t work. That’s life. We are meant to not be “successful” all the time. If that is our goal, then don’t try anything new or different or difficult or that takes practice and effort. Just stay where you are and enjoy your choice of misery. What? my choice!? I’m not choosing bad things to happen to me. So, you’re saying that you have no control over your life. Sure you do. There are consequences no matter what you do or don’t do. What’s the worse that can happen? If that happens, and you have more or different resources available to you, can you handle the transition from where you are to where you want to be? Is it worth the risk?

I’ve got to mention something here. We all have experienced trauma in our lives. When you were a baby and felt something we call hungry or smelly or lonely, you cried and someone either came or didn’t come. Not coming was traumatic for you and you didn’t even know what it meant. When someone you trust and who tells you they love you and then stomp on your self-esteem, that’s traumatic. When you’re told that when you got that A that they were proud of you, the question is would they be proud of you if you didn’t get an A? Trauma is cumulative, it builds up and gets stored in the recesses of our soul.

Some trauma is bigger, growing up in an alcoholic, physically, emotionally, sexually abusive home. As we get older, being involved in abusive relationships taps into old issues and repeats, sometimes over and over. A job you hate, perhaps with a supervisor who is abusive, or co-workers who abuse, friends and even family that are toxic. The list is pretty long and often the abuse is buried pretty deep. Carl Jung, a psychologist who was a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, and broke from Freud when Carl began to look at human existence in a very unique way, offers a simple but powerful truth: that which is resisted persists. If we don’t confront (look at honestly, resolve and/or integrate out trauma, it only gets stronger.

My point: You cannot successfully make the changes you want in your life as long as you’re in the swamp. Can’t be done (prove me wrong and I’ll share a hug with you) unless you are willing to take the risks necessary to accept that it is your swamp.