9 March, 2014


First some basic assumptions.  People tend to follow the laws of physics, at least some times. The law being considered is: an object at rest tends to stay at rest until kicked in the butt. Also, a body in motion tends to stay in motion until wacked upside the head.  Another way to say it is that generally people don’t change unless and until they have to. They’d rather keep doing what they’re doing even if it doesn’t work, or if what they are doing causes them and others pain.  For most, change isn’t considered until the pain of what they are doing is greater than the fear of change (the unknown).


Secondly, thinking of change, dreaming of a new life, hoping that something will change  and $2 will buy a decent cup of coffee.  Change is most effectively demonstrated by a change in behavior.  How often do we hear someone say they want to loose weight, or exercise more yet when you ask what they are doing to attain those goals, the answer often is well, I’m thinking about (it)….  I’ll take the coffee - black, no sugar.  Thanks.


To change behavior we need to change our internal as well as external language.  Often this language change is termed positive thinking.  Being positive in our thoughts is good, but there are a couple key elements missing.  One of those elements is that our thoughts can only be as effective as our beliefs.  If I believe that I am meant to be fat, all of the positive thinking I can muster won’t produce the change I’m looking for.  I can repeat affirmations until I’m blue and change will only occur if I believe what I’m telling myself.  It’s those little voices of doubt, fear, guilt and the like that we push aside or deny that are the cause of our undoing.  Success brings success, failure breeds failure. 


 Our belief in general is that some thoughts/feelings are good and some are not.  Love, joy, compassion are good, fear, anger, sadness are not.  When something happens that I like, then it is good (and we are blessed) but when something happens that we don’t like the it is bad (and I guess we are not blessed) But a law of the universe is that all of the universe and everything in that universe is a circle, made up of light and dark, yin and yang rules. One is not good and the other bad. Each part just is. In order for us to finally change our behavior, we must accept the strength and wisdom of the dark as well as the strength and wisdom of the light.  The upshot of this is that just because I wish it, doesn’t guarantee that what I wish is the best outcome. As an example, I might wish for a new job and when I don’t get it I wonder why.  Maybe it’s because something even better is coming down the trail.  If you took the job you thought you should take, then the one that would have been better won’t be available. Like it or not, things happen for a reason. Someday we might understand the reason, but exactly when that might happen is unknown. There are lessons to be learned that go way beyond the three R’s.


In a simplification, it is the left side of the brain that requires logic and rational evidence that can be seen and measured and that is good , but is not enough.  The right side of the brain has an entirely different non-verbal language, belief system, and has access to different reality dimensions than does the left side.  Again, neither side is right and the other wrong.  Both are necessary if we want to tap into all of the resources that are available for us.  For most Western Culture folks, the left brain is dominant and has become use to that dominance because we are accustomed to listening to the voices of the left brain.  They tend to be insistent and quite loud.  The voices of the right side tend to be quiet and more often use sound or color and experience to communicate.  Many of us are not comfortable with the right brain’s language.


As differs from the left brain’s thoughts, plans and interference that requires effort and work to make happen, the right side of the brain suggests that we just allow for the possibility.  Kind of a Hmmmm, I wonder what would happen if - . 


I wonder what would happen if:  


We take responsibility for our life path and welcome change before pain forces the question.


We assess our behavior and ask ourselves is this how I want to behave?  (Am I getting the results I thought I would get?  My behavior reflects who I am as a person. Am I happy with that person?  Do I trust him/her?  Would I want them as a friend?) (pull this out and put it somewhere else)

We pay attention not only to our outer language, but the internal voices that are with us always.


We understand and accept that most of our beliefs are lies.  They are opinions given by someone who may believe them, but they are not true.  If they’re not true, then they are lies.


We let go of the need to understand, and allow for the possibility that there might be  more effective tools available to help us in this journey we call life. There have been laws identified in this piece.  I don’t know if they are true or not.  But I wonder what would happen if we just allowed that they might be effective.


jon christensen

OnBelay Counseling